Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
