I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We have so much sex to catch up on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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