If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
