i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
