What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
