**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
