im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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