he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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