So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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