You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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