fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
