i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
