hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
