Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
