I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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