You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
