Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
