threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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