If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
