yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize