Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
