Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
