Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize