never play flip cup with pint glasses
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
