I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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