Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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