u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We have so much sex to catch up on
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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