Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
