No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize