U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
