I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
