the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
