Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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