My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
