Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
