I think i peed on brittanys purse
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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