Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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