im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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