He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
