Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
