i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
