After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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