I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize