He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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