Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize