This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
