Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize