sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
