wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
