alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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