I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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