Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
