I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
