The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
