At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i don't like sucking hair
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
