I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
where are my eyebrows?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
