she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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