How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
