I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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