I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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