marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
