We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
