It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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