hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
