after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
