Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
