I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
