her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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