Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You took a bar mat shot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
