dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
