Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
