Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
