bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
