After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There are leaves in my underwear?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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