A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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