We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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