I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
